K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
