Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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