I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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