Redeem this text for a blowjob
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
