i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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