My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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