Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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