do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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