Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We are all done wearing pants today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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