I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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