Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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