my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
