Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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