What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
