I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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