Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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