end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
