be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
