I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
