Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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