Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
