apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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