in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
