You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
