So drunk its hurt
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
