drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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