woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
