Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
