I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
