if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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