I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
