Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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