Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
