I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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