Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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