I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
