Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
