You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
