i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
