I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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