Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
