i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
