just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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