i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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