why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
