He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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