Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As shirtless as possible
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
