you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
