Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
