Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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