I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
