if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
