we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
