You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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