I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
